The English in Tokyo are feeling the pinch in relation to recent radiation threats and have therefore raised their personal security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Earthquakes have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots usually raise their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels; this is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. However, due to the special circumstances surrounding this particular situation they introduced an intermediary level of “Let’s get pissed”.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its radiation advice level from "Hide" to "Run." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender" but these are not applicable this time.
Italy’s traditional threat levels of "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing”, "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides” are not relevant either and the Italian restaurants in Tokyo are still open for business.
The Germans traditionally increase their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs" but this time their proximity to the French seems to have had some effect on them.
Australia meanwhile, has raised its response to the perceived threat from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!","I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend," and "The barbie is canceled”.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their
allies, just in case.
New Zealand has also raised its threat levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!".
Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us".
And finally
Canada has passed their first level of "No problem eh!?" and are now at the second - "That's not nice and can someone please stop it" threat level, and have passed a bill in their House of Commons to never raise the level any higher so not to offend anyone. Actually, their real reason is that having so few levels means there is little cost involved in changing the levels too often. The only alternative was to buy a used threat level from another country and although the Americans had one for sale, “The British are Coming", this was both confusing and still too expensive.
via The Russian